Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
