we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
