he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize