Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
