so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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