please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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