The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
