It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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