Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
