dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
