nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
