You don't have asthma, your pregnant
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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