dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
