I skipped work to stalk him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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