u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
