Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
