she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
