i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
