Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
