help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
