Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
