Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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