you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
