Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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