worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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