I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she peed on how many people?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
