This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
