last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
