i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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