Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
