Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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