You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And then he peed in my hair
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