I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
