I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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