Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
