Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
