she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
