He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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