I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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