his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
