sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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