In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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