I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
