She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
