The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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