my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
