Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
