I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
