i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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