If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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