Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
