FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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