he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
