Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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