Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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