he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
