He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
