I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
