god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
