K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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