ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
