Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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