Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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