I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I AM VODKA MAN
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
